“I pursued spiritual counseling. Through the help of powerful books and resources I found my true identity… and then my behavior and sexual attractions changed. ”
— DAREN MEHL
In my early twenties, I attempted to live as a celibate gay, but that all changed the night I was raped at a party. The trauma threw me into a spiral of same-sex encounters. To avoid HIV, I moved in with my boyfriend and settled into a monogamous relationship. For nearly a decade, although I looked happy on the outside, I lived in constant inner turmoil and stress because I knew my homosexual behavior wasn’t who I was. I did my best to ignore my inner voice, but doing so came at a high cost to my personal peace and conscience.
All that began to change the night I was invited to a prayer service and told a friend about my inner battle. Deep down I knew I hadn’t been created gay but couldn’t reconcile why I had same-sex attraction. My friend prayed for me, and for the first time in my life, I saw clearly that my issue was sexual addiction, not sexual orientation. That night, my hope was restored in my long-lost dream to marry a woman and have a family. Right then and there, I asked God to end my same-sex relationship because I knew I couldn’t do it myself, and I asked Him to arrange it so I could marry a particular woman. When I got home that night, my boyfriend abruptly ended our relationship, and soon I was dating and eventually married the exact woman I had prayed for.
While this set me on a course towards personal peace and fulfillment, even as a happily married man, I could not break my secret addiction to gay porn. Despite my best efforts, I cheated on my wife with another man. In an instant, instead of feeling fulfilled and satisfied, I felt dead. I thought I’d lost it all—my wife, my unborn son, my best friends—but by a miracle of mercy and love, my wife took me back.
Desperate for help to get free from gay porn, I pursued spiritual counseling. Over the next year, through the help of many powerful books and resources, weekly prayer and support from a faithful friend, and my wife’s unconditional love, I found my true identity. For the first time in my life, I began to see the false beliefs I had about myself, men, women and my sexuality, and my sexual orientation changed. God healed my mind and my heart, and then my behavior and sexual attractions changed. I now see other men as potential friends, not sexual partners.
The journey wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. Today I am a whole person living authentically to who I am. My sexuality and behaviors are in line with my original design. For the last 12 years, I’ve been married to my beautiful wife, my gay porn addiction is gone, and now my sexual energy is directed toward her. I’m the happy, fulfilled father of a beautiful four-year-old son and three-year-old daughter.
Originally Appearing on ChangedMovement.com